Fear is hesitation*. I haven’t been writing much. At first, I accredited it to busyness or even laziness. But busyness isn’t an excuse, there was something else occurring–hesitation. Life has been happening at such a fast pace, that my pen can’t keep up. I was hesitant to write for fear that I don’t have all the answers yet or don’t have a purpose for my story because I don’t know its ending.
I‘ve hesitated writing because by the time I’d reflect on lessons learned, something would happen and I’d have to re-digest everything. I was left questioning how could I extract the lessons learned when every day was a new plotline and a different climax.
But as a friend reminded me yesterday, the ending doesn’t matter, what matters is everything that comes before it. Not getting attached to results our outcomes because the result is who you get to become.
Ego is great at judging what the outcome is. But we shouldn’t be so quick to judge outcome in the moment. We never even know the full story until we connect the dots looking back.
Reflecting over the last two months, here are six notes I’ve extracted from my experiences:
What you seek is seeking you. I was around 10 or younger when the idea of having my own business and being self-employed was planted in my head. As a kid I’d sell jewelry, birthday cards, Elmer’s glue bookmarks, and Livestrong bracelets. As I got older I created a business teaching older adults how to use smart phones. I’ve had a baking business, online newspaper, and a half dozen other little ventures. So I guess it’s been in my subconscious and conscious mind that I’d one day make a living from my own business. But I never knew how or when.
This month you could say the inevitable happened. I’m now running a small communicatons consulting business. It certainly didn’t happen over night and it didn’t happen alone. It was the sum of choices and connections made over the past 26 years that led to this moment (and I’m sure the story’s not over). I believe when something is meant to be yours, the universe conspires to help you achieve it – a lesson learned from The Alchemist. What you seek is seeking you.
Lean on your friends and connections. This new business happened through a friendship and friendships are what keep it alive. A friend helped me design a logo, my sister is helping me with a website, and friends turned into colleagues helping me with clients. My clients are organizations very active in making the world a better place through culture, running, movement, mental health, and art– all causes I care about deeply. Don’t underestimate the power of who you know. We are all just humans trying to help one another out, and it can be fun doing so.
Expose yourself to new places and new people. I’m traveling a fair amount for client projects, which means exposing myself to new people and places. Creativity happens when seemingly disconnected things or people suddently become connected. You see new patters and ways of thinking you hadn’t expected. It’s like your brain re-wires.
Take care of yourself first. We need to make sure our cup is full so that it overflows to others. We can’t give to others when our own cup is empty. One new thing I started doing for myself is working with a breathing coach and going in for breathwork sessions a few times per week. Breathing is essential to living, it’s with us every moment of the day yet it’s something not many of us are ever taught how to do properly and use as a tool. It’s grounding, relaxing, centering and reminds us to focus on what we can control and let go of what we can’t.
In life, every “no” means saying yes to something else. We can’t always have all burners burning. For me, that meant toning down some of my extracurriculars. I decided to step down from co-leading November Project so that I could say yes to my business and my mental health. It wasn’t an easy one but as with everything in life, it had its season. It’s important to realize that my “no” to leading November Project means someone else could say “yes” to it. Just how someone before me had to step down so I could step up, me stepping down means that torch is now passed to someone else as part of their own personal story.
Shake it up. Finally, I booked a one-way plane ticket out of Austin. It’s time to step out of town for a bit, live in another country, work remotely, and immerse myself in another culture, another routine, and new people. That’s the plan anyway, but we all know uncertainty is the only certainty.
Rather than short travel days, I want to submerge myself completely in a few lifestyle in a different part of the world. See how people there live and what they value. See what’s different in their world and see what’s the same. Oftentimes we get so used to our own routines that we need to “shake the sleeping self,” as Jed Jenkins says. Letting go of the familiar and really rattling yourself awake.
My hope is after a few months away I’ll return with a more holistic perspective on life and renewed energy. With new friendships and new layers of experiences to add to my own and to share.
Writing is something I want to continue. Like with anything in life, there are times we all fall off the wagon, but it's never too late to get on it again. So this is me saying I’m trying to get back on the writing wagon but would happily accept a hand getting back on. If you enjoy reading these and you suddenly see I haven’t been writing much, I’d love to hear from you. Your nudge might be exactly what I need.
I leave you with this- what are you struggling with in life that might actually be hesitation desguised as fear? What choices in your control can you make to help you overcome that hesitation and move forward?
Carry on with love, gratitude, and an ounce of adventure.
Maria
*Fear is hesitation- I think my friend Jeremy (aka Yaya Fresh) told me this once and it stuck with me so I stuck it on a sticky note.